We are sharing our personal opinions. We are making suggestions based on our own experience and recovery. Nobody is asking you to defend youself. If you want to attend a meeting you will. If not, you won't. You know your husband has committed adultery. You say his lying is out of control. He has left you. He is using another drug of choice. Nobody can answer what his "bottom" is. Nobody can answer what your "bottom" is. Each person needs to make that decision themselves because it is a very personal choice.
I don't know if I'd say anyone here has the monopoly on "wisdom." I certainly don't; I shoot myself in the foot every now and then. I simply shared my own personal experience with a marriage counselor who couldn't work with us as a couple until my husband put down the bottle.
I told you if you wanted to check out an Al-Anon meeting you would. Your husband is an active addict. Perhaps you should read a lot of the posts in this forum and the stickies at the top of the forum. It is sad but true that addicts will make promises they often can't keep because the addiction is so overwhelming. They want to keep their family intact, but they also want to make attempts to control their addiction.
Perhaps you should post on the Alcoholics forum. I think you might get an idea from the addict's perspective about the promises they try so hard to keep but frequently cannot.
Sorry you're not getting the responses you wanted.