I know your feelings of loving them, not their behavior. Trust me, I still love him. What helped me MOST is reading the book "Getting them Sober" 3-5 times. I see what you want most is to help him. This will tell you how, in great detail. I actually saw it work within 2 weeks of trying my best to stick to the principles outlined in the book. Number one is getting out of the way so they can hit bottom and suffer the consequences of drinking, not you. It was by far the most difficult thing to do, for me and AH but the payoffs are huge. It will help him get sober, more than all the "helping" in the world. And "detaching" will help you immensely, but be prepared because the disease will do everything possible to keep you playing the game. Hugs!