ShawMac, we think very similarly. I too have had a religious upbrining, and by that i dont mean a denomination.
i agree that spirituality is very very different from religion. religion is based on performance and rules. you will alwasy fall short, and it alwasy delivers shame and guilt. while i know this is a secular forum, i say this for analogy: Jesus himself hatred religion. if someone disagrees, then you havent yet discerned properly between spirituality and religion.
my upbringing was a 'religion'. my church followed a 'religion'. my al-anon group followed a religion. so have workplaces where i worked. someone is looking to be your superego. you wont get well that way, IMO. i have lived through it to a degree that harmed and hurt me so much, i now beleive at the heart of recovery is trying to heal from 'religion'. we all have one, and it permeates us to the point that when we fall short we self-loathe. in my opinion there are many more 'religious' addicts out there today than any other kind. and they dont need to surrender to a particular denomination...or even attend church ever, at all. they just need to keep raising the bar, and jumping through hoops, all while trying to dodge the guilt they feel. religion sucks.
i am very opinionated when it comes to religion..i had to read many spiritual abuse books to be validated with what i was experiencing and feeling (just as you are doing now, ShawMac)...there were a few other things/people that were used likewise to aid me in my delivery from religion. i have yet to find a church i can safely attend and not feel indoctrinated, guilted, manipulated, or squelched. for me i do beleive in God, but not religion. people at church cannot stomach my philosophy....and they hate that i speak out against their 'religion'..because they cling to it for life. the think they worship a HP but they really worship religion. my own husband thinks *im* the one who is in a cult, for thinking this way.....you become ostracized.
my point is, i understand you. you are not alone,......i know the feeling casue to this day most poeple dont know what i speak of, and when i find someone who has had it revealed to them as well, i rejoice in my heart.