amends...and a long shot
so yesterday I sit down and call up three friends I have alienated because of the relationship I have been having with an addict. Only one was home. His first statement "If you are talking to me I guess that means you aren't talking to him anymore.." and then later he said "You know, really I should be angry at you for just stopping contact because he didn't want you to." and I agreed, but you know, this is a person who doesn't judge. we chatted, and I felt so much better afterwards, and you know, when we hung up he says "I'll call you tomorrow" and I thought, wow, for the first time in AGES I was getting off the phone not only feeling better because of the conversation but with a promise to check in on me by someone who really cares, is concerned, and who I know will do what he said. (this person is a great, great friend but a lousy boyfriend so don't even consider that possibility for me).
When I told him about the money the abf owes me he suggested I go straight to his parents and ask them to pay it back. After all they have the money to do it and the abf has always said that they would if he couldn't but I figured the reason they have yet to do that is because they don't want to do it as long as we are together.
so today I go through my credit card statements, my phone bills, and my check book, make a total, and write to the abf that I want him to arrange for the money to be paid back. But of course we all know how reticent an addict is to pay anyone but his dealer back, and I figure he won't bother, and will just get pissed. So my next move is to type up a list with the exact figures, give them photocopies of the proof (evidence of cash advances, atm withdrawls, and the check he cancelled the one time he did pay me back for a tiny part of it, as well as the phone bills, I will make it very business like (As my mother always says, nothing to get emotional about, just practical) and I will present it to his parents and see what happens. I figure two things, I no longer care if they like me or not since I am no longer trying to have a relationship with their wayward son, and secondly, it is worth a try -- worst that can happen? it pisses them off and they don't pay his debt, and hey, that is exactly where I am at anyway, so I might as well take the chance and see if they do pay it. long shot, but the potential pay off is worth it.
His mom once told me that she hates to see him ******* up people's lives (and mine in particular) so maybe she will put her money where her mouth is and help to put mine back on track.
other than that -- feeling good about being on my own...and putting the trauma of a relationship with an addict behind me. lets hope it sticks (certainly going to his parents to get them to pay me back will put the kabosh on a reunion)