Mlynn,
Your childhood and mine sound really similar.....and your self-sabotage is really familiar for me as well.
Remember: progress, not perfection. You are getting better. Don't expect to ever be able to brush the dirt off your hands and say, "Well, cool. That's healed." It just doesn't work that way. But we keep taking steps and overcoming one thing, then another, then another.
Do you have a counselor you can talk to - a therapist who has worked with ACoAs? I used to have a monthly appointment with one and it was the most healing thing I could've done for myself. Sliding scale, the whole deal.
Take care of yourself. You deserve the good things life is showing you right now.
Tell those voices in your head to go to he**. Thank them first, for taking the time to warn you and for trying to save you from future pain by sabotaging your actions....thank them and then show them the door. They served a purpose once in your life, but they are OLD NEWS now and you don't need them any more.
Hugs,
GL