Originally Posted by
drainedwife 
He doesnt already know what i want. he doesnt know if i wnat to divorce or not...me wanting to talk to him is for him to understand exactly where i am coming from..which for some reason he just doesnt get.
I know him better than anyone...and he does not want to loose his family. i believe he will do what it takes to get his family back...but of course that remains to be seen.
Getting my step dad involved was just because i cant talk to him....
I wanted to ask my lawyer to change the RO so we can converse on other topics.. by me going through my lawyer on everything it is costing a small fortune that i just dont have.
am i really in denial or just too hopeful that things will work out? i have heard alot of stories where things do work out. Lots of them....and my therapist doesnt beleive one has to "hit bottom" to make a realization...and she also says some people can do it on their own without any help ....and even not going to meetings or anything....but they first have to admit there is a problem.
Drained,
Chances are he does already know what you want. He doesn't get it because... simply he doesn't care. I would think that if he was willing to do whatever it takes to get his family back you would have seen some action by now. But, you haven't.. have you?
I do think that you are in denial. He already KNOWS that if he doesn't get clean he's going to lose his family. He hasn't shown a single step towards getting clean- no rehab, no meetings, nothing. Your husband is an addict- he doesn't care how you feel, he doesn't care if he hurts you and he has shown that many times now- abuse, claiming that he'll fight for full custody, calling you an unfit mother.. the list goes on.
As far as your therapist goes- I disagree. I am a recovering pain pill addict, I had to hit MY BOTTOM before I came to any realization. No one else, no matter how hard they tried, could make me stop. I agree it can be done without meetings- I've never attended one in my life and I'm clean today- over 6 years later. So I do believe that people can change... but i don't believe that your husband has shown any signs that he WANTS to change.
It's your decision drained, and you're going to do whatever works for YOU. But I think you need to really think what is it you want from all of this? Please take the time to figure out what YOU want. He'll always be an addict, there's ALWAYS a chance he may relapse- do you want to live the rest of your life like that?