All right, he followed me into the bedroom and in an angry voice asked about the afghan. It is right there, on the bed, doesn't it look nice. he says it looks like I am leaving, am I leaving. I say where would I go. But it is not in a nice tone, that I say this. He says it looks like I am packing. Again I say where would I go?
He wants to know about the pile I am making at the door. I say that is for Loves, meeting at the flea market tomorrow. He says I never said a word about it. Sure I did. He just didn't "hear" me. What's new. So, I swoop that whole pile of clothes off the dresser, find some of my good jewelry
, take a break, go back in, separate his clothes from mine. Put all of his away and all of mine in a trash bag to haul to storage room. There's a big double dresser with mirror and a tall dresser. Our socks are together in one. And only one drawer has my stuff in it. My two drawers of lingerie and undies went in a little Wal-Mart bag. Anybody want any barely worn sexy nighties? They have done me no good. I am not going to take my many pairs of heels off the top shelf, but there are still some clothes up there to be sorted thro'.
I was getting tired of outwaiting him to go to bed, so I started getting a bit mouthy.
He is watching some gory movie with people getting shot point blank in the head ( I am only so mean, as I could have pointed out that is how my son died and made him feel like real ****) and doing lines of cocaine/heroin. First I say, I would like some of that. (Big Lie)...so I could get the rest of the bedroom done. He says what needs done...I said it needs vacuumed and the clothes on the shelf sorted, then from storage room to choose which piece(s) of carpet will go in there so I can get rid of the rest. Well, actually, I can't hear the movie and I thought it was cocaine, he says no you don't it has heroine in it. I say all the better. But I will take a cup of his real coffee so I can stay up and finish my work. He ignores me. I start waving my arm at him and repeat myself. He says are you sure. I say yes. He pours me a cup, throws something in the kitchen, I didn't see what and don't care. Then I say I do not need to watch movies with people getting their head blown off, no wonder I have nightmares. He lost it. Turned off tv and threw both the headphones and remote. And went to bed. But see, I learned some things from living with the crazy, genius ex. I switched to let's make friendly for a moment and shared something from the follies here for him to see that I knew he would really be interested in. (Teach's I WANT THAT) I knew he would really like it, and it is the mix of being sweet and sour that makes a person crazy.
Mission accomplished. I was wondering if he was going to stay up all night and I am too tired to outwait him. Too bad I am out of laundry detergent! LOL
Cinder, I have a fierce temper, I just go about it differently. But I am about ready for an argument now. But before I would do that...I would get in the car and go somewhere. Anywhere. Park at Wal-mart and sleep in the car for a couple of hours.
I would even say I am going to Wal-mart. But would forget my phone clearly laying on the table. I do need laundry detergent.
See, I will make him look like the ass. What did I do? I did a week's worth of cleaning in the bedroom and it looks better than it ever has. I put his clothes away for him.
I washed two loads and even hung the second out in the dark with the shirts he was griping about a couple of days ago, when I dug in that trunk to find his favorite shirts...I just didn't want to mix the blacks with the lights when I washed them. So he gripes about he knows he has more, his favorite ones that his family gave him.
Not only did I get that beer down, it was hot and sweaty work and my body temp is at flaming. Nothing to do with a/c. So, I got another. I have a glass of ice water nearby too, so I can wash it down. It's the plastic bottle with the screw on cap so you can save them. I think there is another half in the frig. I am going to drink it too.
That means there is no more. And there is no money for more.
I am a witch!
So, what now. With him sitting there and just having almost finished the bedroom I wanted to go to bed, but I wanted him to go to bed first. So I could slip off after him into the guest room. But now that he is in bed, the sight of him isn't p'ing me off.
And I wasn't really going to drink the coffee, that was a ploy trying to get him to go to bed. But now, I think I will. This is a good chance to rearrange the living room somewhat, altho, I can't be trotting stuff into the bedroom he is sleeping in as I would like. I now have that double dresser top to decorate with his things. He sleeps too lightly for me to sneak in there.
Can you tell....this is WAR.
It's just way too much to start on the storage room tonight. WAY, WAY too much. I would be throwing...what do you call those stands that you put boards on to saw them? Out the door. It is that bad. And it would take a ton of digging to even get to them.
Have you ever been so deeply hurt that it just leaves you feeling empty.? That is how I feel.
Raerae, I don't care if he feels bad. From the way he is acting, he needs to feel worse. Bad enough to make an effort to hear and change.
I took him on his first cruise to the Bahamas. I bought him all those nice clothes hanging in the closet, many never worn. I bought the wedding bands. And the 1/2 carat stud he wanted in his ear. And the diamond pinkie ring. And the popeye tatoo he designed and wanted so bad.
I am not really complaining. I had all the money I wanted and did whatever I wanted to as I could not foresee the health problems and nervous breakdown that would take me out of the game.
I am not near done ranting. When he met me I made a six figure income and always looked the part. I never wanted or figured on a long term relationship. I just wanted a companion and a monagamous sex partner to preserve my reputation. I knew my project was going to end in 6-9 months. And I intended to move right on...and said so from the get go. I wanted to go places on the weekends, I wanted a driver and an escort and sex. I never called him during the week etc and more often than not didn't take his calls. I would call on Wed or Thurs and say...be packed as we are going to...?????....wherever I wanted to go, be ready at 5pm Friday. And I spent probably $2000 most weekends on our entertainment. Finest dining, shopping, best hotels, best wines. etc etc....and always well dressed and haughty. Actually he scored alot of points with me there in knowing how to dress and conduct himself impeccably. Then, Argentina, my sis bought him the tickets for Christmas to join me, but it was really a gift to me, as she knew I was having a hard time, and getting lonely and depressed and missing him. He was great there too. Another luxury vacation. During my last project I got too sick, with several problems and with his health problems too, but I still made decent money, but not nearly enough. And I noticed how even tho' he tells me he doesn't want me to have to go back to it, how often he asks if I have called my contact yet. I swear I have wondered many times if my attraction wasn't my money. And now I have none. And that professional haughty attitude I had in the pub/restaurant. And the money I spent there.
Shoot, when we were dating, I might call and say I am going to spend the weekend in Clearwater or Orlando and drop him off a $100 so he could go out with friends or whatever.
I don't have a resentment about any of this, but sometimes I wonder if part of marrying me was my income. And if my lack of income is part of what is going on now.
I guess I was alot more fun then.?
But daggone it I don't doubt that he loves me. I KNOW he does.
I am just freaking at the rejection and lack of interest in me sexually. I have never had to deal with that before.
Note to Cinder....you know this from the attorneys and the courtroom, be as sly as a fox, but the one who looses their cool, looses. Try it at home.? evil grin.
Never let them see you sweat....from a management book.