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Old 07-14-2007, 04:30 PM
  # 364 (permalink)  
Live
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Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
I am not the arguing type. I do not say unkind things to people.
I was taught a long time ago that when you say an unkind thing it is like putting a nail in the wall. You can say you are sorry and pull the nail out but the hole is always going to be there.

Besides, with my scrip for xanax, it keeps me pretty laid back. I did take an extra today when my feelings got really hurt when I tried to talk to him about it.
I told him the truth, I have never felt so unattractive, unwanted and undesirable in my life. (All my prior relationships have had active and passionate sex lives, no matter what other problems were going on.) He asked how long I had been feeling this way. I said months. Then he went on the pity pot because I said these things and all I was feeling was hurt. And, then, I did snap at him, that he if he just wants to be on the pity pot all he is going to get is a red ring on his ass. He said there wasn't room on the pity pot because I was taking all of it up. That's when the hurt hit me between the eyes and I took the extra xanax. I slept for a bit in the guest room.....I can climb over and around stuff and get to the third of the bed, which is enough room for me. When I got up, he was watching tv...I used that time while he was out of bed to carry some piles of clothes etc into the bedroom from the living room and washed the dishes. He just shuts off the tv and goes back to bed.
Let me tell you I have an inherited Indian/Tipsword temper that runs in the family....it make take near forever to provoke it, but when it blows you had better run for the hills. His going back to bed hit the button for me. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. So he is not going to speak to me or be in the same room with me?
Oh, I have all sorts of things to say in my head but will not. But watch the hell out.

BTW,...I love that song Raerae. And I think I would need a two night stand.

Which is why my lazy ass is on this cleaning binge, because I am going to clean everything up.....wish he would just go somewhere for a couple of days. If I had $20 buck I'd give it to him and beg him to go to the bar.....I did that a couple of weeks ago but I wasn't mad,, just thought he was isolating and needed to get out and have some fun with his friends. I'd also like to go buy him a stack of really nasty dirty books. So that when I finish this frenzy I am on....to make the house all nice...fix up the bedroom nicely for him...and fix up the guest room for me. I would put the mags on the nightstand for him. I will wash my clothes. I will wash my dishes. And act like I have a roomate. Even tho' he just went to bed, I started the washer anyway even tho' I know that he can't sleep with it running. He's just hiding, feeling sorry for himself, Any way. I am going to vaccum too.
LOL....good the washer flushed him out of the bedroom. Now he can watch me clean all the common areas. That is my rule with common areas/shared areas with roomates, they are kept clean out of respect. He just sat down and turned the tv on.
Ladies, I have tried, I have really tried....I borrowed a book on ******* sex and took the initiative to try to teach him...we had a great day and spent hours playing. That was 3 or 4 months ago. Would he pick up the book? no. Hell no. I have talked to him gently about the difference between men and women in their roles and response. Nicely. A few times. Yesterday I read him the post by AA Sharon on intimacy (it is really good). I have told him since we met that he could save me days of pain and pms with some good sex. he has let me suffer and ache for the last 3 months.
I have tried.

Now I am hurt and angry. And angry will fuel me to speak with actions that cannot be dismissed or ignored.

I can't wait until I get that damned storage room cleaned out so I can put my clothes in my own closet.

All his mama's photos which he is obsessed with since she died will go in his room.
My kid's photos and my photos will go in my room.

How can I get him out of the house for a couple of days without telling him to go spend it at Beverly's the one who was chasing him so bad and coming over everyday while I was in Indiana and he was here...supposed to be working on the boat?
She threw herself at him so bad it embaressed him enough and knew that if he didn't tell me and I found out it would/may be curtains. But, nope keep my mouth shut.
Unless he starts with me. But I doubt that. That would be a dangerous thing to do.
He will just be giving me the silent treatment except to pick at things. Like now, the only thing he has said to me...was that if I wasn't using the foot massager, I had curled my feet up in the chair for a minute, that he would turn it off so electricity wasn't wasted.

And I am not going to be overtly ugly about it. I will make up his bed with his family quilt and the afghan his momma made him. But I will take all of me out of there that I can find room for. And this excercise room leaning on my set table that hasn't been used but less than a dozen times (stretching it in his favor) is going in his room too.

I decorated the living room with his books, because he always said that the women decorated and he never felt like it was his home. They are going to decorate his room too.

I don't want him to watch me do these things. How can I get rid of him for awhile...he never leaves his chair. Maybe if I make him uncomfortable enough, he will go work outside for awhile tomorrow and sometimes he likes to mope at the patio table. But it just started raining now.

Go back to bed, would ya? You are getting in my way.

More later...I will tell you my sis's theory about men and when women try to talk to them. It's so true, you will have to laugh.

Look, right now, better angry than crying from hurt. And I need to make a point. While maybe it can still make a difference.

Because I can't live like this for long, long time without cheating. Except for honesty, I would tell him what I needed to do.

Thanks for letting me vent!

Guess I will turn off the foot massager now and go start cleaning out his bedroom.
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