Originally Posted by
cmc 
I'll try--- 'Susie' is rude to me...so I feel angry. That feeling brings to my attention that I typically allow her to do this to me. I take the feeling and use it- to be healthy. I can detach from that person, confront her or choose to drop it and let it go. If I choose to confront...then I can say "Susie, when you told me that my hair looks like ___, that hurt my feelings."
The action (confronting her) was taken and it all started with an emotion. An emotion is not typically a rational thing...to let it drive me without thinking is not productive or safe.
Which came first the thought, the words or the actions? Well, in the scenario above you are already to a healthy enough place that you are questioning your response to a situation.
I wasn't that healthy! My thoughts (or feelings or emotions) were SO distorted when I started my recovery journey that I could not even begin to question if my response was appropriate. I totally reacted from the gut.....a very unhealthy gut. That is why I had to start with words. I basically brainwashed myself into healthier thinking so that I could get to the point you described above.
"I know he'll come a knockin and I really don't know how to handle it"
Dolly, do yourself a favor and read the September 3rd page in
"The Language of Letting Go." It deals with exactly what you are describing and was a huge awakening for me. If you don't have the book, I will type the whole thing in for you here.....it was THAT important to me.
Love you guys,
Babs