gwen,
i havent' been on in a while and just wanted to offer my support - you'll get through this - i can't imagine how hard this must be for you but you sound good - i'll send some stuff and just remember to take things *one day at a time* (easier said than done, i'm sure) you work on being the best you, you can be - work out - read - imagine your at a spa - with crappy sheets...
hang in there - it will be ok...
love,
sue