I'll try--- 'Susie' is rude to me...so I feel angry. That feeling brings to my attention that I typically allow her to do this to me. I take the feeling and use it- to be healthy. I can detach from that person, confront her or choose to drop it and let it go. If I choose to confront...then I can say "Susie, when you told me that my hair looks like ___, that hurt my feelings."
The action (confronting her) was taken and it all started with an emotion. An emotion is not typically a rational thing...to let it drive me without thinking is not productive or safe.
Dakota...I think that context has everything to do with what we are discussing. Context being...who is Susie? and what role does she have in my life? If she's my boss...or my sister or my next door neighbor then the feelings will be acted out much differently. Does that make sense?
These ideas are a part of my recovery. They are tools I have learned by reading and in counseling.