I think maybe most people just think that you are putting too much emphasis on how to help him, how to get him to the bottom. An addict has a choice every time they decide to use - I gave my RAH a choice so many times and I fell for everything he told me all the time. I always thought this is it - this time it will work and guess what it didn't. Like I said, it worked when he was ready with NO help from anyone.
This site is a wonderful site, I like that people will tell you how they see it. I wish I found this site way back when my RAH started using, I think my life would be very different. In my case - not sure about anyone else, but just because he doesn't use anymore things are not like they use to be. He had mood swings, not sure if that is from using or not. I am also always wondering at times if he is using or if he goes out "will he come home". I have told him I will NEVER go thru that again.
Yes I feel horrible for what I put my son thru for 2 years - I will never do it again. As much as I tried to make things normal for him, it wasn't. He was asking where is daddy, or I was crying or up all night wondering were my AH was at the time.
When it comes down to it - they are your choices to make. It just seems the focus is on him and not you. I have been there many times.
People will see things you may not - you have come along way, I wish I did what you have. Nobody wants to see you backslide.