In Need of Guidance
I am a new to all of this. Even though I have lived with a "recreational" user of pot for 12 years, married 3 1/2, seperated 2 weeks. I have been in denial, thinking it was "only pot". Our history is long, he has cheated and lied to me more times than I care to remember. I continue to have him back and this time I am scared he will call again and I am scared he won't call again. He left after I confronted him about using in our home, and went off with another woman the next day. I am sick of all the drama. Not only does he use but so does my 19 year old step son. My husband gave up saying "Do as I say, not as I do." to people telling me they have used together for a while now. Alcohol, pot, crack, coke, pills. My stepson has been with up for most of our married lives, and I have constantly battled them both, trying to 'Just say no to drugs". It is extreamley difficult for me to realize I can not make them see how wrong they are and how they are throwing their lives away. I feel ultimately defeated. Why do I care more about them and their/our future than they do? How can I walk away with a clear conscience beause they won't see the disaster waiting to happen. Why do I think by me setting a drug free example to them sould be enough? Feeling helpless is horrible. I feel like such a failure. I am exhauted from the emotional roller coaster. One minute I am sobbing, the next I am so angry. He always seems to know when my breaking point is and calls with some lame excuse, and then he's back again. How do I find the strength to let a man I know I love with all my heart be responsible for the destruction of his life as well as the life of his son? Why do I want to carry the burden for them? I need guidance.