dw,
IMHO, it is past time for you to take your hands completely off of the addict, the addict's treatment (or lack thereof), and any type of communication he may send you. You are still playing his game and you will not win; he is a master at it and he is still sucking you in. You are still trying to 'figure him out'. It cannot be done, because he is an addict. I would bet my last dollar that he knows he is sending you in a tailspin and he is loving every minute of it.
I don't blame you for not wanting your kids in the middle of anything else, but if you think they are not in the middle right now and being hurt very deeply, you are mistaken. You are spending all your energy second-guessing and trying to control an addict and all the consequences of that addict's behavior. Your kids need you to spend that energy being their mom.
Stop driving yourself insane trying to control every thing that happens and listening to every excuse-or whatever-that he throws at you. Saying that it's harder to get addicted to coke because it is cut with something is one of the more ridiculous addict lines I have heard, and I have heard a lot of them.
If you are worried about the consequences of this evaulation thing, then why not just drop it and let the man sink or swim on his own? It's not going to make any difference if he is doing it because you are forcing it on him, and like someone above said, he is probably slick enough to manipulate it anyway..
If you are tired of living in chaos, and if you want to divorce this man, then just do it. Stop basing every decision that you make on what it may or may not do to him, or on whether or not he did this or that. Maybe if he sees that nothing he says or does is going to rattle you the way it does now, he will decide that he needs to make some life changes. Or maybe he won't.
Either way...... YOU ARE POWERLESS over what he does. I still don't think you are getting that.
Bluntly honest, but said with compassion and concern....