Thank you for the responses. Even though I haven't found my answer yet (I will look into the state thing), even seeing responses of understanding make me tear up. I cannot publicly admit my problem to anyone, including famliy or friends.....it will kill my career. It took as much as I could muster just to register here.
This is a very emotional thing for me. Admitting that I have a problem is no small thing, as I am sure that many of you can relate to.
I am tearing up as I write: I want to get better, and I know what I a doing is killing me. But I have a near-compulsion to drink. I do not want to die and my family to say "We had no idea."
The eating thing is driving me nuts. I can be as hungry as you can possibly imagine, but cannot get myself to eat. I am not comfortable in eliminating drinking until I am sure I will be able to eat. I can smoke weed and I'll eat a little, but it inevitably makes me want to drink more.
Seriously, thank you for the responses.