Focusing on my own "why's?" has been invaluable for me. I finally started to see a pattern that was so imbedded in my choices for partners that I realized I was indeed trying to resolve something from my past in the wrong and completely counter-productive way.
My exAH was the clinical template of a narcissist to a tee. I mean, look up the definition of narcissist in Webster's and you'll find his picture there. But you know what? It didn't matter. So now I had him labeled. Just like current AH. Yes, I fully understand and know the clinical diagnosis of his personality disorder. Know what? Yep - same answer. Don't matter one dang bit.
What I found mattered to me more than anything was understanding my own motivation for picking the Who's Who in the World of Nuts. I feel free. I don't feel afraid. I actually have given out a sigh of relief and a thanks to my God. Know the truth, and the truth WILL set you free.
And the truth is when I start trying to figure anyone else out, I am on the express train to crazyville. When I start figuring out myself, I'm on the road to recovery.