doneforsure

All,
I left my agf and I thought the drama and chaos was finally over. I had found more wrappers with cocaine residue and rolled up dollar bills in the bedroom. She had stayed out all night, no note, no message and wouldn't answer her cell phone. I had decided that Friday night that I was leaving the next day. I left the wrappers and the bills on the kitchen table Saturday around noon because I wanted her to know the reason why I was leaving. Stupid me, I go to the convenience store to get a cup of coffeee, I come back, and the wrappers are gone and in its place a note telling me to get out, which like I said I was going to do anyway. Of course though, even without a word spoken between us, she decides to call the cops and lie to them, trying to get me arrested for domestic violence, telling them I threatened her and hit her. Grrrrrrrrrr. I can't take this nonsense anymore. It freakin kills me that a person could stoop so low. To make a long story short, the police did not arrest me. She called the police when I split up with her in February and at that time I gave the empty wrappers I had found. They didn't charge her with possession, stating there wasn't enough to even test. I was split up two months with her, and like a jackass, I go back to her believing her about it being done.
Well, the police arranged for me to come back the next day at 2PM to pick up my things, however, she called me in the morning demanding that I give her money, and that if I didn't, she was going to press charges against me for harrassment. I know that in court it would end up getting dismissed, but it's just the aggravation of having to take time off from work to deal with this total ridiculous nonsense. Needless to say, I didn't go there last Sunday. But it didn't stop there. About 4PM Sunday, she calls my mothers which is where I'm staying for now, to thank me for calling DYFS(Division of Family Youth and Services). I didn't answer the phone, but I didn't call them. She then states that she's coming down to my mothers, 50 miles away, and that when she gets there I better be there. I really didn't think she would show up, but 3 hours later there she is banging at the door. My mom was home and she was very upset. i answered the door and tried to tell her in between the f bombs that were coming out that I hadn't called them, but she made a huge scene and upset my mother so much that she came outside to tell agf that if she didn't leave, she would call the police. All the time her poor 9 year old daughter is sitting in the front seat of her van with tears just streaming down her face. My heart went out to her because I could only imagine how terrible that 100 mile trip must have been for her especially after the way her mother screeched away from my mothers house peeling rubber, and all with her mother on the suspended drivers list, taking huge risks.
I didn't call the police and neither did my mother, but 5 minutes later agf calls and leaves another message stating that she wants money for the bills and that if she doesn't get it from me, she'll go after my mother for it. She also asked my mother who does she think she is to call the cops on her. I feel so bad that I brought this freakin drama into my mothers's home, and honestly, if not for her, with having put every dollar of my earnings outside of my child support into my relationship and attempted life with my exagf, I would have been in pretty big trouble, at least for a couple weeks until payday. I make a very decent living, and I feel like such an idiot for spending more than 160,000 in the last 3 years because now it's all been such a big waste for me.
Two days go by, she sends me an email regarding her daughters cell phone. In April I started a family plan for my son and her daughter so that we could all talk to one another free, as the house phone wasn't being used anyway. She asked if I would wait a couple of weeks and to please not turn it off, and I was completely reasonable about it, telling her no problem. Lo and behold, 2 hours later I'm being served with a temporary restraining order for harrassment. Grrrrrrrrrrr. I was not about to take this laying down so I went to the courthouse and got one as well for her showing up and causing a scene. It just makes me so angry and frustrated that nowadays all it takes is a stupid lie and they're issued like candy in a candy store. I went to get one because I felt I had to protect myself, hoping that she would eventually be reasonable. I have had a business relationship with the rest of her family members as I work in IT and have supported the computers and network in their office as a result of my relationship with my agf, so I told her oldest brother that I would dismiss my complaint if she dismissed hers, that the relationship is over, that there was no point in this.
Yesterday I went to court and sat there for 9 hours only to have the hearing adjourned. To make matters even worse, agf's ex husband, a real winner 42000 in arrears on child support, shows up because child services contacted him after the police notified child services. I told him the same thing, and I told him that the only thing that will happen is that if she continues on, I'm going to have no choice but to bring up her drug use, which he too is aware of. I have a police report that states the empty bags were taken as evidence, as well as actual pictures I took when I found it. I don't want to get any deeper in this and just want her and her ex to just go away and leave me alone already. I hurt for her daughter, I wish I could do something, but it's not in my control to do anymore than I already have. I told her family, the police called child services, but I know that if she doesn't become more reasonable about this(an oxymoron when it comes to an addict), I have to protect myself and let the courts know about these things.

I guess I just need to vent because I don't want anger to eat me up anymore. I need to get back to the calmness that I found last week after finally finally finally realizing that not only has this not been good for me, but it's been very very very bad for me, and my son as well. I have apologized to my son and his mother for making such bad decisions that have hurt him. I wish I had listened to the many people who told me to walk away a year ago, but folks my heart wasn't ready even though my head was telling me otherwise. The last 2 months I have thought having made 300k+ in the last 3 years and not having much of anything to show for it, now being in the prime of my life at 42. I have made some very very bad decisions, and I know it's never too late to stop makiing those kinds of decisions, it's just that right now, today, I wish I could fast forward through the next few weeks and get beyond all of the drama that is yet to occur with court.

I'm tired, sad,depressed, lost today. Maybe a good night's sleep tonight will bring me out of it for at least tomorrow. My close friends advise me that if I truly love Kristen, my exagfs daughter, that I should do all I can to make sure child services gets the information they need, that she doesn't belong in that house now with her mother, which I know is true. But on the other hand, that will elicit retaliation from her and just continue the drama that has been in my life. Child services has had a less than shining reputation here in NJ, especially the last 3 years, and there have been many cases where children have been abused by foster parents and even killed after slipping through evaluation by DYFS.

As many of you recommend, I don't have to make a decision today. I've been used, lied to, decieved, like everyone here, and I'm trying real hard not to let anger persuade my decisions.

Thanks for letting me vent. I want all to know that coming here everyday, although I have rarely posted, I have read every single thread, and all of you are wonderful in providing the support that you do