GET TO AN ALANON MEETING NOW!!!!!! they will help you find your inner strength and know that you are worthy. i finally found the strength to throw my AH out and am divorcing him. you wouldn't believe how good i feel about myself and the inner peace it has brought to me with my HP's help. let go and let God handle things for awhile. He will provide you with the answers you seek. alanon will help you find your true happy self again. it's not easy, but oh is it worth it!!! hang in there. take care of yourself and your kids!!