Hi,SF............sorry you are feeling this way; I was on a roll like this recently,too. I am glad you are here and hope you find it to be as great a resource to you as it has been and continues to be for me.
I want to thank you for posting "your list" (and Denny,too for your responses). Seeing this come out of someone else's mouth I can see it all more clearly. Alcoholism really does a number on not only the alcoholic, but us around it,too!
Please do not be so hard on yourself and also please realize that your AH is a sick man and he "needed" and excuse to drink.....you were it, and seem to be buying into the idea,too. I know how that goes,but just because he said it does not make it so!
Hope you stick around and that you feel better as the day goes on. Improve what you need to in your life, but please do not accept the burden for his dissatisfaction about his life...he is an active alcoholic and you did not cause that,nor can you control or cure it. That is his fight to fight.
(((SF)))