Well, thanks everyone for all the input. Those of you who pointed out that I am projecting exah's behavior onto him are right, and I do realize that. He is so much like his dad was when we met, minus the pot, coke , and alcohol of course! LOL!
He got home about 4:30, and he was neither drunk nor high. I am confident of that; I can spot that very well. As it turned out, he was just with friends. One girl in particular. No, not a romantic interest, but a friend who has gotten herself in some trouble. One of son's friends had been dating this girl, then suddenly dumped her about three weeks ago. No one knew why. Now we do-she's pregnant. Son's friend wants nothing to do with it, the girl is scared and unsure what to do about the baby, son was trying to calm her and help her. He does that all the time, the helping people thing. He is also an awful lot like his mom.....he tends to try to 'fix' things. *sigh*
I think that those of you who said he is just being 19 are right, as are those of you who said I need to set some rules. I intend to do that; I did tell him last night that I realize he is 19 but this is my house and I won't be worried like this.
As I reread my post above, I think I should clarify that he does help me out in lots of ways, like transporting his little brother and taking him places or just hanging out here with him. He has taken over the few things that his dad used to do around here, and will be mowing for me starting next week. (His dad had taken our mower but had to bring it back due to the contempt charges I filed). So he is not totally useless..the kid would give anyone the shirt off of his back...
Elana, I like your ideas but you know what they say about not setting boundaries that we can't keep. I will have to do this the 'baby step' way. *grin*
As for the vehicle, it is his truck. My dear old ex bought both of our sons brand new vehicles as soon as they turned 16. What an idiot thing to do! Of course, they both promptly wrecked said vehicles...The title is actually in his name, which was my doing, though. When I was getting everything ready to file for divorce, I went to the courthouse and had it changed to get my exah's name off of it. Like I knew he would, he threatened to take said truck away from the boy because he 'didn't care' about his poor, misunderstood father.
Anyway, thanks again for all the input. I will be talking to him today about some rules. Off to church.
Have a happy holiday weekend!