Hi wyshy,
I'm glad you are going to Alanon and that you decided to share with us here too.
Keep going to meetings and learning and you will discover what you need to do. Until that time and during that time there is alot you can do for yourself.
It takes a bit of time to adjust my thinking and actions, but I learn to change 'me' by being around others who share the same experience. That's really all I can do- change myself, and the rest will follow it's due course.
Take care.