alyssiav,
I have thought about the abuse many times...I think I accepted his verbal abuse (for a short time) because "He was sick", "He was an addict", I now realize it was just an excuse I created to not look at the truth. If a sober/clean man ever even thought about abusing me in any way...I would have kicked him to the street, toot sweet.
When my excuses ran out and I faced the truth, I was done.
We are here for you, we all understand what you are going through.