I have had the same dilemna.
I do think I stayed longer because of how I was understanding the al-anon.
I thought I could live with it and adjust and things would work.
In my case, not true, not true,...and very dangerous to me.
But then I also confused his abuse with his alcoholism and didn't understand they are two entirely different issues.
I mean that to include verbal abuse as well as physical.
I don't care if it is the alcohol talking...it is still abusive and has all the same effects.
And many of my boundaries turned out to be playing right into his hands.
So maybe I didn't "get it".
I have alot of regard of much of what I have learned from the 12 steps.
But, yes, I did have the same quandary.