Thanks all for your thoughts, I am feeling a bit better this morning. Funny l spent a lot of time praying yesterday and near the end of the day I was getting out of my car when I pulled a muscle in my left butt/hip. Boy does it hurt especially when I move a certain way. I was thinking about this and it reminded me of Jacob in the Bible, when he wrestled with God and God put his left hip out of joint. Perhaps I am wrestling with God.
I went to my first open AA meeting last night. I felt impatient listening to them talk about their struggles in the begining of getting sober. I found it hard to relate to their experience. I will keep going to this meeting as it may help me to better understand where he is coming from. Perhaps I was feeling so much pain I needed an Alanon meeting instead.
I will talk to him again today about the separation. I have prayed repeatedly about this asking for direction. I hope I get something clear. I am leaning toward asking him to leave so we can take some time to decide what to do next, or what we want. I mean I know that I want more peace in my life and I don't know that I would have that even if he gets sober, which seems unlikely. I feel an urgency about not letting this go and just going on the way it has been. I don't want the same old thing. Asking him to leave is hard because I know that will be a hardship for him. I know that he should be responsible for himself, but I find it hard to make him leave and face the music. Even though I know it would be better for me.
SDP, don't worry about your comments about the reservation, you are right. It is just that he has no money, doesn't know how to use the computer and if I leave it to him it won't happen. Oh and I would have to give him some money(that I don't have) to make this appen too. Crazy I know.
JT, yes serenity is what I need to have a good life. Looking back over my past, I have never had serenity. One bad situation after another. And me always struggling along. Just for today.......