Please help
i am ashamed to be honest with anyone who reads this - i know if i'm not you can't offer me the help i so desperately need - please try and not judge me too harshly - i am not a horrible monster although my actions may seem to differ. First of all, I am not an addict but i am in love with one. His name is "d" and we met almost 3 years ago, he is married with children as am i. we became friends and yes we crossed a line that never should have been crossed - he told me pretty much from the start about his addiction history - he has been fighting cocaine/alcohol addiction for 15+ years - he was sober when i first met him for about 8 months - after about 8-9 months he started telling me he was having thoughts of using again - in my own naive state i thought i could help him - i encouraged him to go to meetings, talk with someone from the program, talk to his family, he always told me he could handle it but in the end - he ended up using and after several months was put into an inpatient facility for two weeks. He came out, went into outpatient therapy, we stayed apart for several months and then found our way back again - He always told me how much he loved me and how the only happiness he had was when he was with me - i know, i know but i wanted to believe him so badly. I was ready to leave my husband for this man. He has alot in his life right now to add stress to an already stressful life - alot of financial and personal conflict going on right now - in short, today he totally shut down on me for no apparent reason - when i pushed him on it he simply told me to "walk away" - when i asked why - he stated that he had "thoughts about using again" - the last time he was hospitalized he was told by the doctor that if he used again based on the levels of cocaine that remained in his system for so long he would very well end up dead - i am so afraid for him - i don't believe that as of this minute he has used yet but by him voiceing those words to me i feel that it was a cry for help - what do i do? do i walk away and just pray that he pulls himself together before he takes that first step or should i contact his family (a brother) and tell him in confidence that i am a friend and am very concerned because "d" voiced thoughts about using again. i know i shouldn't be involved but i am - i would never forgive myself if anything happened to him and i could have maybe got him some help before hand. please help me with this decision.