After admitting I was an alcoholic, I struggled for two years to get and stay sober: treatment programs, rehab, detox, hospitals...each and every one was based on the AA model. I'm definately a non-conformist, i hate groups, and I hate being told what to do. Furthermore, having been raised in a fundamentalist church, AA to me seemed like just more of the same! It was a big turn-off.
Then I guess I REALLY hit bottom. Then I was so desperate to stop drinking I would have done just about anything! And I heard so many success stories in all those AA meetings! I saw so many people who had turned their lives around and were now happy, content, at peace with themselves and the world! I had been to so many meetings, in so many diverse areas, and no matter what the skin color or socio-economic background, all these people(who couldn't be all that much different or better than me) had gotten sober thru AA.
My first year, I went through six sponsors(fired them all), sat through thousands of meetings(I was so sick I couldn't work, so there wasn't much else to do! I was struggling so much!), and, yes, worked the steps.
Now, the "higher power" I have finally found, is nothing like the one from the religion I was brought up in. I dislike organized religion in just about any form. The closest I could find would be the philosophy of Taoism. Or maybe the ancient pagan Goddess religion. My "higher power" is definately more feminine than masculine, if any gender at all. But I now definately believe there is "something" out there, or maybe actually "in there", in all of us, and in all of nature. There's so much we don't know about.
So now, my life has been rebuilt, I(miraculously!!!) have no desire to drink, I'm at peace just about on a daily basis, I'm working, traveling, learning to love myself, etc. AND I go to my AA meeting every week(not religiously or compulsively, mind you! I'm still very much a rebel, hater of groups, and non-conformist!). Life is simple and joyful and if going to AA and stubbornly believing that if it works for ALLTHESE PEOPLE it can somehow work for me, then so be it.
I also know several AA members who are devote atheists!
Hang in there, it gets better, as they say! One friggin' day at a time!