[BIG HUG] to you, Rose,
Please realize that MANY of us have those exact same fears at any given time. I've had MANY of the fears you mention. But they are just that... fear of what MIGHT, MIGHT happen! And isn't there a saying out there, that 90% of your worst fears never come true anyway! Time spent worrying about these things does nothing but BREAK YOUR SPIRIT and your HP does NOT want you to spend your time worrying and hurting.
When my fears start driving me crazy, I stop in my tracks. I sit down. I tell myself, "Ok, so this is what I'm afraid of right now." (If I'm lucky, I can tell a friend, but usually this happens at night so I'm alone). Then I remind myself, "Fine. It's totally OK that I'm afraid and have these fears."
Then I turn it over to my HP. I say, "Lord, I just can't stand worrying about these things. I'm turning my fears over to you. Please put me on the right path and make me strong. I promise to move forward and trust You even though I'm afraid."
Please don't berate yourself about losing your temper. Who hasn't done that? Better though to plan ahead of time how you will react, what you will say when he starts his next crazy behavior. Anything but exploding. Even if you have to leave the room/house to cool down and take deep breaths. Staying calm yourself will help keep anything from escalating that way, and it takes two to argue.
Just my thoughts. Have a good night tonight,
Hugs to you,
Kate