drainedwife

I think it was duet who said that there are too many ultimatums in my relationship with my ah.....and i should give him his life back--i agree with this also. but on the other hand.....
i am going to court tomorrow to try to negotiate an FM (not sure what this stands for--but its for a restraining order in family court). Fm restraints do not show up in any record they can easily be dissovled or amended. they allow time for my ah to show his commitment to getting better. and they also allos for as much visitation as i and my ah want. to not agree, my lawyer believes, considering his prior and recent conduct, truly signifies that he doesnt "get it" and i really do need restraints.

anyway, i feel that i am giving my ah a choice---a chance to get help--he says he will agree to it, (but does not want to be seperated.(he needs me to be there and support him, but also he hasnt done anything inteh past 2-3 weeks that we have been seprated to show me that he is serious abuot treatment.. mainly because he thinks that i may go through with a divorce anyway, so he would only be doing these things to pacify me.) he says that he will not break a court order that tells him he has to go for substance abuse evaluation, random drug testing, etc...... if he does break it, then i just follow through with the divorce...but then he is in the house, and i dont think he will leave on his own.
If he follows through, then maybe we will have a chance....maybe.

But i dont know if giving him an ultimatum is an answer...i feel that alot of times, and ive posted this before, that addicts are given a choice (i.e., intervention or given an ultimatum by their spouse (i know personally this has worked in some marriages) were they are told either get help or im filing for divorce...once they get into a program they begin to "get it"...not always, but sometimes when pushed inthe right direction, they get it....what do i have to lose if i give him these options?/ im not forcing him to do it, im giving him a choice....

So, im a bit confused about what is the right thing to do...also, i feel that he has broken so many rules in our marraige, does he even deserve another chance?? he should feel LUCKY that i am giving him another oppurtunity after eveerything that has happened...instead he has alot of anger and blame for me that i am keepinghim from his kids, and that he is alone and out of the house. he called me evil yesterday that why cant i let him pick the kids up instead of having his mom do it...what are the kids thinking??? dont i care about them??
Doesnt he care about his kids??? he didnt seem to care one iouda when he was doing coke in their bathroom and leaving some residue on the counter....he didnt seem to care when he was driving too fast and swerving in and out of traffic when his daughter told him to stop, she feel sick and he said "this is how i drive"...