Goldenleaves you sound like you're doing great and I hear everything you're saying as my A sounds just like yours-its all about their happiness and you only hear from them when they want something.
Its nearly four months since I flung mine out and I've only seen him when wanted money,he doesn't like where he's living-diddums-didn't have a problem spending lots of time with his barfly and their drinking cronies in her house while I went to work to pay the bills!
IMO you acnt be friends with them and I have told mine not to contact me at all while he's still with her and drinking.His answer to that was theres no harm in a wee 'phone call and he was told no way as he'll use any means to suck me back in.
If yours is with another woman,and i suspect he is,let them get on with it and remember the best revenge is living well yourself and you seem to be doing that just grand.