i don't really understand what you mean by your mother working with angels but if you feel that youre not so happy with reading her diary or calling her mother, then thats done, and something that you can't undo. forgive yourself and move on, sooner or later if i understand addicts, she'll want to talk to you, just give her the space she needs right now. as long as she is using, she is not the girl that you fell in love with usually, addiction takes over the mind, body and eventually the soul, and there is nothing you can do to fix that. you can learn to take care of you and to get you in a healthier place and hopefully the change in you may bring about a change in her
most of us here would love to have our love ones back the way they were before addiction, but its just not that easy. addiction is a hard habit to break and so is codependancy in my opinion, it feels like for me that i've become addicted to my addict as he becomes more addicted to his drug of choice. sorry thats just the way it seems to work. she is not the same person you fell in love with, its like she's locked away inside the body that you also feel in love with, addiction is ruling it now and she is powerless over it until she decides to fight back and thats also something that you can not do for her, she has to fight her own addiction. sure would be a lot easier if we could do it for them. it think that if that was any way possible, there wouldn't be so many people here seeking help. i think a lot of us, like you, came here to find out how we can help our addicted love ones, i know i did. only to find out that all i could do was to help myself.
even though i knew when i first came here looking for help for my ah, that i was clean because i realized that i needed to help myself and that nobody else could, i still came trying to fix what was not mine to fix in the first place. there is always hope so maybe you could take some time to figure out what you want out of your life and decide for youself how long you are willing to wait, in the meantime, while you are waiting, maybe you could focus more on what you need to make your life look like you want it to look, with or with her for now.