What I believe is that the majority of us who struggle with substance abuse/alcoholism are born with this predisposition to become addicted.
Like 90% of ALL youth, we "experiment" with drugs and alcohol at some point in our youth. Most of us discover fairly soon that we have a different experience than our peers.
When they (the normies) have a bad outcome with using, they tend to reduce or change their use ... or even stop altogether.
We addict/alcoholics don't. We continue to use, and build a tolerance and find the "right" way to use/drink so that we can be like everyone else. As our tolerance builds, we become sneaky and underhanded. Some of us even stop for long periods of time, only to be "blindsided" by another drug or behavior that we did not anticipate.
I don't know how many have talked about the drugs following surgery being key to starting them on the "real" road to addiction.
Becoming aware and then ACCEPTING our difference... our inability to "use like everyone else" is breaking through our denial and delusion. That takes a long, long, Loooonnnnggg time. And sometimes, some pretty difficult events.
Even with full awareness, the addiction sneaks back... convincing us that we have somehow "overreacted". That our using can be as easily controlled as >... fill in the blank... next door controls his or her drug use.
But that is just the addiction trying to rationalize its way back into our lives. And most of us don't recognize that until we've fallen for it a few times.
AA calls alcoholism cunning, baffling and powerful.
It is good for those of us who love addicts and alcoholics to be aware of that, too.
I think he sounds like an addict. And I think he will need to go through some stuff to bring his awareness into acceptance.
Addicts lose things. Some lose keys... cars.... friends... homes... spouses... Sometimes it takes losing things for that acceptance to begin.
This is partly why I urge spouses to attend Naranon or Alanon. There is a lot to learn and lot that makes us feel helpless. But meetings help me understand that there are things I can do to feel better and less fearful... and to find a way to be happy again.
(((DW))))