Oh Ashley, don't beat yourself up! You stay because you've seen a part of him that you love, and because you're willing to put up with all the crap just to get a few minutes with that part of him. lots of wise, caring people here (I'm not wise, just caring!) who will give great advice and direction. All I can tell you is You Aren't Alone. I get where you're coming from, having lived there 16 years, and most of the people on here were also in the neighborhood. Be good to yourself. I'll be sending
good thoughts and prayers your way.