Drugs and alcohol us can magnify what is already there. Drugs and alcohol can take away what ever control we have to keep our negative self in line as well.
Add alcohol and I can become a real jerk very fast. Yes I do need to have such a tendency inside of me before the alcohol was added but I would say that the rule isn't 100% as alcohol and drugs can turn a quiet, calm person into a monster or it can even turn a monster into a quiet and calm person.
No matter... when we work a recovery such as AA or NA and work it to our best... the program helps treat the whole person... Mind, Body, and Spirit.
Still always comes down to the same end results....
Time and actions over time give the best answers one way or the other.
Many abusive people could do well with counseling as well. Anger management programs or the such that could help them find and deal with the root of where their anger comes from that brings out abuse.
Ok enough about him.
What about your recovery?
What are you willing to accept or not accept should be your guide. When, where or how shouldn't matter... a boundary set for you is set no matter why he does what ever requires a boundary to be set.