I think what happens is the drugs enhance a lot of there character. My husband became so abusive with the drugs...but as time went on with him not here, I soon began to see the traits of it through my whole married life with him.
I have a long way to go, but I sure have started to see just how controlled I was and how demeaning he was to me. I never had the nerve to strive...anything I wanted to try he would shoot it down, so I just learned to except his word on everything. With him no longer here and it is going on 4years now, I had to force myself to make decisions and it was a real battle, I was scared out of my mind that I was going to make all the wrong decisions. But I am still here today and made what decisions I had to make to keep some sort of life for me and my boys.
I saw my husband about 2 months ago, he wasn't in his high state, somewhere in between his normal and high, he was talking to me like he had before the drugs...I have grown so much I really had to shake my head, thinking I took this crap!
With each day you will get stronger.
Rose