Originally Posted by
drainedwife 
he has a very strong will, but i think it takes more than that to actually get help.....
It takes letting go of that strong will. Becoming humble and seeking a solution outside yourself.
If you are not ready for a divorce...seek a court ordered separation.
Would be the same as a divorce as far as setting it up for visitation and $$ issues.
Will he change? That is up to him. Can he change? Yes if "If" he seeks the answers because he wants it.
It can be a hard road if you divorce and it can be a hard road if he gets clean as well. Both would require adjustments and growth. As far as him blaming you for the divorce... he will blame you for anything and everything that he is in denial about anyway. The children will learn the truth fast enough no matter what he says.
He bad mouths..You don't.
He blames...You don't.
He yells...You don't.
They will see what is what without even being told anything by you.