I used to have a lot more judgements about methadone (oh hell, let's be honest....about EVERYTHING... smile).
What I know today is that only the addict knows how desperately hard they have REALLY tried. It is her decision.
Meetings help me keep my boundaries clear - they are about ME, about what *I* can handle and what *I* need.
I hope you can find some Alanon or Naranon meetings in your area... and maybe go to about 6 to see if they help you.
((hugs))