((((Teke)))),
I am so sorry that you are going through this. But I think everyone is right in the fact that now you know you are not crazy. When my ex-ABF came clean with me and I asked him about specific events (where I had previously confronted him and he denied) and he confirmed that my first perception about his drug use was right. I was so relieved! One of the few things I got out of that relationship was that I now know I can always trust my instincts. I now hope you will forever trust yours.
As far as your children...when I was growing up my mother was the angry, resentful codie to my father with the alcohol / gambling addiction. She never told me what he did. She never shared her pain with me. I grew up resenting her because my father was the "Good Time Guy". It took this relationship with an addict to understand what my mother had went through. When it all finally dawned on me what had happened to her, I went to her and told her how sorry I was that she had went through 20 some years of pain and how much I loved her.
It's really up to you Teke, but I wouldn't protect him anymore and I wouldn't run away. I know the times I have wanted to run away, what I really was trying to do was punish him. I wanted him to know what it felt like for me to disappear on him like he disappeared on me. I am not saying that is what you are doing I am just saying what is true for me.
Again, I am so sorry Teke. I wish the tape had not been erased. I would have shown it to the Adult members of my family. Heck, I probably would have put it on U-Tube!
Sorry my recovery is showing right now.
Lithloren