Suzanne
I think it's the same thing that makes a really good person: to be a good sponsor, you have to live what you're teaching. I don't think it works to tell people what to do if you're not doing it yourself. It's really easy to boss people around, give them direction, and act like you're a know-it-all. It's much more difficult to live and practice these principles in all our affairs. I think if that's what you're doing in you're in your life, then you're going to be a good sponsor, because you're an example. That's what this program is, a program of attraction, not promotion, to share my experience, strength, and hope for fun and for free.
Being a sponsor doesn't mean you have to know everything. It means you're just down the road, a few steps ahead of the person behind you. If you don't know, there are lots of people you can ask. It's like a mentoring program, more than anything else, not like being someone's mother, father, baby-sitter, boss or caretaker. It's a loving extension of your knowledge, your experience, your strength, and your hope. You do it for fun and for free. If you're not having fun doing it, there's something wrong with your attitude and your approach. I really have a problem with this party line in a lot of NA/AA meetings: If you don't go to meetings all the time, you're going to die, if you don't get a sponsor, you're going to drink and drug and die---a kind of fear driven focus to go to meetings and have a sponsor. I know a lot of people who are sober who don't go to NA/AA and don't have a sponsor. I think people can stay sober and work the steps by being involved in the fellowship and by participating. I don't think you get the degree and depth of sobriety without working with someone, because someone doesn't get to know you intimately. I have friends on the East Coast who have been sober for many, many years, and they've never written a Fourth Step. It is written that we help another alcoholic/addict. So, I think all of our relationships with people in meetings, we're really sponsoring anyone we have a conversation with. There may be just somebody who we're more particularly connected to in sponsoring.
Marge: Someone who's willing to share all of her experience, strength and hope, not just the fluffy parts; someone who is willing to try to pursue her spiritual search so that she is the best human being that she can be at any given time. And someone who is willing to put aside her stuff to direct her attention to someone else. Sometimes that requires a lot of willingness.
When I come back, we will hear from "Mariasha" on What makes a good sponor?