Hi Roandlan, welcome to the Secular Forum.
You have gotten some great replies here. I know all to well the roller coaster you are on and I see you are well on your way to a better life of clarity, hope, and self-respect.
One pragmatic thing that helped me in the first week was to write down everything I hated about drinking on an index card and carry it around with me to look at when an urge hit - Make it vivid and specific.
Originally Posted by
roandlan 
OK, maybe this will actually work if I don't have to pretend I believe in god. That's a relief.
I find addiction recovery exceedingly rewarding and pleasurable without having to believe in an invisible gaseous vertebrate that resides in the clouds. I think it helps me to stay focused on the real business of staying sober, without the immense distraction: like being persuaded that God or The Flying Spaghetti Monster exists. I got enough problems to deal with as it is.