Hi Constant---yes you made perfect sense!
Yes, H is sober--5 months today in fact.
I don't think of it as me "helping" him stay sober as much as I think of it as me respecting and supporting his efforts to remain sober.
He has never asked me not to drink around him, and we do go places where alcohol is served (like restaurants for one), but just last week we were going to go out to eat and he seemed a little anxious. He came to me finally, and told me he was having a rough day, feeling the cravings, etc., and wasn't comfortable going anywhere that served alcohol. So we didn't. I don't get the least bit upset about this or feel that it in anyway it is me having to give up anything. I would rather he be honest and forthcoming about what he's going through and talk to me about it openly, then to hide his feelings. Being an addict is hard enough on them, but being a man and having to admit that you're weak now and then is even worse on them!
If I were to have a drink in our house, right in front of him, and the next day he chose to drink again, I would NOT hold myself responsible for his actions. Just like he made the choice to drink, he also makes the choice to stay sober, one day at a time.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, I love hearing what others think about these type of situations..
((hugs))