Hi Trying... another mom here. Both kids addicts, but daughter's meth addiction nearly took me off the planet.
Our inpatient rehab refused my daughter initially... sent her home to intensive outpatient treatment - which I also believed to be a waste of time. Then I found out that likely they knew that insurance wouldn't pay for inpatient without a FAILED outpatient first. So they needed her to complete that hurdle.
Plus, my kid was SOOOO resistant - she would have run and that would have been a mess (they were 150 miles from my home). So they sent her home... BUT, she was SOOO desperate that she PROMISED if she failed IOP, she would return for a 30-day inpatient.
And she did. And then she came home and relapsed... and went again for 30 days and went on to a Recovery House and was kicked out at 2 monhts...and then went to a faith based rehab and was kicked out after three days and then was arrested for shoplifting and the court ordered her to rehab in April 2004. She did relapse after that one, but this time she really WANTED sobriety (for the first time, I think). And she worked very hard after that relapse... she entered an Oxford House ... and was kicked out after abouty 6 weeks.
She moved in with her boyfriend and has been sober now for 2 years.
It was a long long road for Mr. Big and me. Lots of pain... lots of chaos... lots and lots and LOTS of rage.
What we discovered, is that neither of our addicted kids COULD stay sober at our home. For them, I think it kept them in "kid mode" instead of "take responsibility for myself and my actions mode" that adults have. So even though our son completed over a year of recovery in an Oxford House following a 30-day rehab, he has returned to using and drinking... but he is functional. He pays a house payment and truck payment and works two jobs.
I can see how he is not getting ahead... but he isn't suffering terrible consequences (in part, because his drugs of choice are pot and alcohol and they have a slower decline than meth)... so I am ok with letting the universe teach him.
Anyway... for us, having the kids in our home was bad. Bad for us and bad for them. And I know my kids at 17 and 18 (the ages we kicked them out) were emotinally about 14 years old... with no job skills, no maturity and no experience. But living on their own IS giving that back to them.
I do think this is a wonderful place to start on YOUR journey, and I wish you the best.
((hugs))