I would make it all backfire. Trust me, my own mother is a ditto to yours.
My mother makes statements that go right up my spine.
" I can't get anyone to get off the couch on their day off to help me". Cough!
"This house is too big and expensive, I don't get any help with it and your father would roll over in his grave to see how no one comes around". (he was cremated)
These comments are my invitation to buff and polish things that are already clean.
Let's sum it up by saying, children=free help.
Now, you know I work all kinds of crazy shifts. I have three sons. I have two dogs and a husband. I have three rental properties. To my mother, this all adds up to nonsense that I waste my time on.
My mother has caused trouble in each one of my brothers marriages by keeping them engaged in her repairs on their days off EVERY SINGLE WEEK.
By God!, you can't have anyone to dinner without a comment.
I let her whine, manipulate, bellyache, refer to my ingratitude, refer to her own death and how sorry we'll all be......
She can't walk to her own mailbox, but by God if anyone is going to the casino, she is standing on the curb with her pocketbook loaded!
There must be something magical in the air at Walmart because if anyone is going to Walmart, she is in the back seat before you can warm up the car.
Now, I 'm just over 5 feet tall. My mother has one of those Lincoln Town cars with tinted windows so no one ever knows for sure that the President isn't in town.
I have to drive her around in that car which is big enough for a small family to reside in. She can walk. She prefers a wheelchair when we go out. In the trunk and out of the trunk. Have you a ever tried to push a cart and a wheelchair at the same time?
Well, you get the idea.
I got so sick of it that I found myself avoiding even stopping by to check on her.
She starts right in the minute you walk in the door. She can actually make her voice quiver.
She pouts.
Well anyway, I said Mom, I've thought alot about what you keep saying and it hadn't occurred to me that you might be happier living in an adult facility. They have 24/7 help there and I hadn't realized how many needs you have throughout the day. They have some beautiful places. I have talked to my brothers and I didn't realize they were spending their days off here helping you. After we talked, I realized that you need alot of help. I think you should consider selling the house and moving into an adult home, would you like me to check into for you?
I would tell your mother that you have spoken to the doctor and he would encourage you to get a second opinion so that it validates his conclusions. He said if you were in that much pain, livnignat home may be requiring you to expend too much energy. He would be happy to recommend a facility. Who woudl you like me to make an appointment with for a second opinion? We should get this done ASAP, the waiting lists for facilities can be long.
It doens't matter what she says, just repeat it to her with whatever interpretation you need.
For instance....."that doctor doesnt' know what he's talking about, my leg is broken!"
"Well, that doctor said he would encourage you strongly to get a second opinon so that his diagnosis is validated, he says if you have this much chronic pain, so much so that your leg feels broken, it will speed up your placement in a facility".