He is a 40yr old man, he has created this circumstance, he has done everything in his power to get where he is. He has a roof over his head, three squares and lots of people to talk to, he will be fine. Time to face the music, if you all stick together he may finally understand his addiction and his behavior is not acceptable, and will not be tolerated.
If he were 18, I would feel differently, but at 40, it's now or never, he is a middle aged man, behaving like an 18 yr old kid. Different age, different rules.
To me, now is not the time to be wishy washy, stick to your guns, for him, not you.
I do not mean to sound harsh, I know how difficult this is, but, this may be his last chance to turn his life around, give him that chance.
All said with love,
Dolly