Repeating Unhealthy Relating Patterns
Sometimes I get caught in self-destructive behavior patterns or relational patterns that I learned earlier in life and repeated over and over. Although the pattern was not satisfying or growth producing, I repeat this behavior without learning from it.
Ive read that if a woman has a problem with women, its based on a relationship with her mother, and if a man has a problem with men, its based on previous relating problems to thier father. I disagree with this. I personally think for me, it was a relating problem. Not gender specific.
Here is a list of patterns I have had that were not productive and harmful to me in relationships
1. Feel attracted and excited by emotionally unavailable men
2. Experiencing the come and go of new relationships and believing them to be love.
3. Mistaken hurtful behavior from others as creating more attention from them
4. Ive begun to try and win people over with compliant behavior
5. Ive watched my partner become more and more self centered the more and more compliant I become
6. I begin to see thing as painful and feel I 'cant stand it' any longer
7. I tried to leave the painful relationship
8. Mistook change for sadness, lack of worth, and finally despair.
9. I returned to the relationship
10. I Repeated the cycle
I repeated this cycle for years. No, not 30 years, more like 10, with 4 men. Only one of which was an alcoholic, but more interestingly was that I did this with my platonic friends to.
I had a problem relating to others. Not a gender specific thing.
I challenge myself to look at what it is in myself that attracts unsafe people who will play out this cycle with me, bc afterall, if they wont play, I cant repeat the cycle.
While I cant blame others for my mistakes, I do believe that surrounding myself with unsafe people contributed to my issues. As I begin to see my patterns, I can change them, and break unhealthy patterns, while having relationships with healthy people who wont contribute to my craziness!
Thanks to the healthy people here who are good for me.
Anyone see unhealthy patterns in their relating with others?