branwyn

Hi Everyone,

Even though this is my first post, I am not new to the site. This network has been a source of great comfort and insight in the past. But I am driven to write because my situation is at the point that I no longer have any idea what to do.

My mom is mainly an alcoholic, but also has in the past abused sleeping pills, pain killers, and occasional, meth and coke. She finally left my Dad, me and my two younger siblings about a year ago for another guy, but he was just a way out. She left so she could live her lifestyle without the “harassment” of her family. We have all tried to talk to her and get her into treatment, but she couldn’t even handle finishing the paperwork.

Now out of the house, she is drinking and drugging more then ever. Her 5’7 frame is probably down to 117 lbs, she can’t hold down a job for more than two weeks. Though it’s hard not having a typical Mom, I have accepted everything for the most part and do my best to live my life. What I am struggling with now is my Dad and his inability to cope with my Mom.

My Dad is slowly breaking down and I am scared of the future and well-being of my little brother and sister. He is still in-love with my mom and cannot break away. He answers her calls night and day, at any time, for whatever reason. He gives her money, pays off her debts, listens to all her crazy stories, about all of the men she’s been with and even councils her when she is fighting with her boyfriend. When I hear them talk, usually it sounds like two teenagers, that’s how their relationship has always been.

I know all of this because he empties it out on me because he has nobody else. I’ve tired talking to him about counseling and am in the works of getting a referral, but this is the third time in doing so. My dad has a very high income and we should not be under any financial stress but we are due to my Mom. He had to re-mortgaged the house this year to pay off over a hundred thousand dollar debt my Mom racked up. She is in debt again, and told him last week that it’s okay because the bank will just put a lean on the house, since her name is still on the house. Why? Because my parents are still married. I’ve been trying to deal with this, but it had gone to a new level since now my Dad has started drinking. Almost everyday for the last month or so, and within the last couple of weeks, a couple of serious episodes have occurred in the presence of my little brother and sister.

I have already lost one parent to alcoholism, I don’t know if I can handle losing another, he especially. Does anyone have any advice on how I can change my dad’s opinions?

Also, can anyone offer any legal advice or a place where I could gain some legal advice, so I can have knowledge of my own when I discuss matters with my dad. When I try talking to him now, he gets angry, defensive and tells me “I don’t understand or get anything”. I need some information/facts to help protect my brother and sister, because right now they are not getting the protection they need and deserve.

Are I and my family not trying harder enough for treatment for my Mom? Should we drag her back here and put extreme pressure on for her to go? I’m just not sure if any of us can withstand her combative insaneness, let alone the heartache it causes.

It’s been hard growing up with an alcoholic mother, it’s been even harder watching her destroy herself this past year. Usually I can get myself through the rough patches, but lately I feel like I’m sinking. It’s hard cause I can do my best to take care of the house, look after my family, be a good student, but it's tough not having any say in the financial matters.

Any help or advice would be beyond appreciated. Thanks also for letting me let out some pent up emotion. Hope all is well with all. : )

Branwyn