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Old 05-30-2007, 12:06 AM
  # 68 (permalink)  
liesagain
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Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: limbo
Posts: 2,849
hello everyone,
anyone ever feel like no matter what you do it keeps getting worse.........yet in the pit of your stomach when you start to let go you feel that panic that maybe just maybe he'll get better after you let go...........and you lose the love of your life when if you had just held on just forgiven once more it could all be worth it you could have that life together that you dreamed of and planned ?

Yet the voice in your head screams out telling you that you were never the love of his in the first place.....................and that dream that plan was yours alone........

well thats me today.
I ended up seeing my AH due to some issues in the rehab etc and as much as I hate it when I look at him I feel all of the love for him that I have always had and I want so badly for it to be like it once was ...........when I had no doubts that he loved me and that we belonged together.......but now..........those days are gone and I hate that!

if I dont have to see him or talk to him I can hold onto the anger and dissappointments and its just so much easier ................yet I see him and feel nothing but love and longing for things that I can no longer have................

THEN the worse part after seeing him , is I FEEL like this all over again I feel the loss and when I look at him I often find myself wondering if he FEELS anything because I sometimes doubt that he does and in the end it just hurts that much more.................

thanks for listening..............
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