Cinder I think thats a good letter. If your not sure if u want to give it to him hold onto it for a couple days then mail it to him. He really needs to show actions his words are just that words. I couldnt imagine living that way well I can cause I did. Your changing your becoming stronger and your "content" with the way things are for now. Your right even if he was clean whos to say it could or would go back to the way things used to be. In the last few months I have seen u change and evolve into a strong self confident women. For a while that person was in hiding but just as your pet rat stuck its head out of the box you have dug your head out of the place it once was. You should be proud and do what makes u happy and although I know you would like it to be with him well maybe thats just not to be for now.