Here's How I Manage and It Works Well
My son is a 23 YO addict who does not live with me. I have eliminated all expectations. When he promises to do something I accept that he most likely won't follow through. I understand that his family ties are almost non-existant. His girlfriend is selfish and a user. I accept that while he is an addict he will pick equally unhealthy people to be in his life. I manage my disappointment and keep our connection. When he does call I try to stay in the moment because that is all I have with him because talking about recovry only alienates him further. I work my own recovery program an attend Alanon regularly. The silver lining is that it took my son's addiction to make me look at my own character defects. Now I am a much healthier and happier person My sorrow about my son has to be managed becasue there is nothing I can do about it. I tried He knows he can come to me when he is ready to ask for help. I continue to have unconditonal love. Until that day I say a prayer ea. night "God protect my child" Ea. day I spend a few moments in gratitude for all of my many blessings. I have to have a life of purpose, service and pleasure. Dwelling on the only aspect that is painful in my life only magnifies it because what we focus on will grow. I have dear friends from alanon,I call my sep-sisters, that I lean on for support. We share the sorrow but we also go out or visit ea. other and have an awful lot of fun. My AS has his journey and I have mine.