Hi and welcome. First off, might I suggest some paragraphs, that was hard to read.
I grew up in a home like your hubby's. The reality is though, my life is my own. I have free will and choices. I left home at 13 b/c the life there was more frightening that the thought of the unknown (i.e. living on my own).
I am a lawyer. Did it without help or support from parents and family... in fact, I guess you could say it was inspite of them. In short, I made choices.
I am responsible for my choices. The most important one I made was to disengage from my family. Your hubby will only change when he makes that choice.
Sorry to be so blunt, but the fact is a fact.
Levi