wow, what was scariest for me was my own insanity -- the few times when I freaked out and became hysterical, out of control (i described two of the three I am thinking of here) and basically had a momentary state of insanity, I hurt myself,( purposely smacked my head against things out of frustration) I hurt the abf (gave him a concussion when I pushed him and he fell against a wall). So that unbeleivable anger and frustration that led to that.
Also -- having times where I became one of those women I swore I never would become -- putting a boyfriend's needs in front of my children's. The fact that I did that really scared me.